


Still Breathing

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Depressed John, Family Death, Jealousy, M/M, Multi, Sadstuck, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, its not humanstuck but there are trolls and no sburb
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-02 16:59:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8675416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: {HIATUS}Dave and Karkat have been aware of John's depression. They know about his impulses and his lack of will to live. They know how bad John can get so they help John the best they can.





	1. Chapter 1

His name is John Egbert. He is 20 years old. John Egbert is not okay.

John's dad died when he was only 13. He lived with his sister, Jade, for three years before living with his probably-more-than-bro, Dave, after attempting suicide for the first time. Jade couldn't handle that. Now, John lives with Dave and a troll named Karkat.

Dave and Karkat have been aware of John's depression. They know about his impulses and his lack of will to live. They know how bad John can get so they help John the best they can.

One time Karkat caught John passed out in the bathroom in his boxers and his arms cut up. John was literally dying in a pool of his own blood. He called Dave and an ambulance, and luckily John survived. 

Dave and Karkat got rid of sharp objects after that.

Today has been like any other day. John woke up first and was caught in the bathroom looking for something sharp by Dave who then woke up Karkat.

Karkat cooked breakfast to the best of his ability and Dave tried his best to feed John. Dave noted that John has been eating less and less each day. 

John was left with Dave when Karkat went to work. He works at a library, ironic considering how loud he is. Dave put on Ghostbusters and sat John down on the couch. 

"How you feeling today, Johnny?" Dave tried to make conversation.

John shook his head and looked away. 

"One of those days, huh?" Dave sat down next to John and wrapped his arm around the smaller boy. John leaned on Dave, nuzzling his cheek into the blonde's chest. 

"I want to go home," John muttered.

"John this is your home," Dave leaned his head on John's. "You, me and Karkat in this cozy lil' place; this is home."

John shook his head again and hugged Dave to get comfortable. Tears threatened to spill. He closed his eyes.

Karkat came home to see two sleepy boys on the couch. He turned off the TV and took of his jacket. The troll sat on the couch next to John and joined their nap time.

None of them get full nights of sleep so this felt like heaven.

**\---**

Dave was shaken awake by a distressed Karkat. 

"Dave! Dave! Fuck, wake up!" Karkat yelled on the verge of tears.

Dave shot up and noticed a certain blue eyed beauty was gone.

"What the fuck?" Dave uttered out. "Where's John?"

"I don't know!" Tears began streaming down Karkat's face. "I came home and slept with you guys then when I woke up he was gone!"

Dave got up from the couch and ran to the bathroom. 

John wasn't there.

Dave checked John's room. It was dark and cold. John hasn't been allowed to sleep on his own anymore so there was no use for it anymore. 

There was a shaking lump in the corner of the room. 

"John...?" Dave tiptoed closer to the lump. Karkat followed him silently. "Hey, bro?"

John turned around. He was shaking badly. There was a knife in his hand. His boxers were pulled down, his sweater covering his lower area. Blood painted his thighs. "G-go away!" 

"John... give me the knife..." Dave held his hand out. 

"Leave me alone!" John cried. "Let me go! Let me go home! I want to leave!" John began blubbering. Dave managed to take the knife from the shaking boy. He handed the knife to Karkat and picked John up. Despite being a 20 year old male, John is very short and very light. John gripped Dave's shirt with bloody hands. John sobbed into Dave's shirt.

"Shh..." Dave tried to comfort the crying boy though he knew it was useless. "Karkat, get John some clean clothes."

Karkat nodded as Dave left the room with John in his arms. Dave stopped at the bathroom, turned on the lights, and sat John down at the bathtub. Dave gently took off John's sweater and boxers leaving his scarred skin and everything else exposed. John had gotten used to being seen nude by Karkat or Dave. He wasn't trusted alone in the bathroom.

Dave began cleaning John's thighs with a washcloth. None of the cuts seemed too deep. 

John was still crying. He slipped his hands under his glasses to cover his eyes. Dave took of John's glasses.

"Why did you do this?" Dave asked with obvious worry in his voice.

John only shook his head. Dave gently pulled the small boy's hands from his face and looked him in the eyes. Dave pushed his shades to his head.

"I'm gonna give you a bath then we talk, okay?" he said sternly but still nervously.

John nodded in jerky motions. Dave turned on the water, making sure it wasn't too cold or hot. He then helped John into the tub. Karkat walked in with clothes for John. 

"Anything critical?" Karkat asked as he put the clothes next to the sink.

"No. It's just a lot," Dave said as he took a sponge and began gently covering John in cake scented bubbles. Karkat silently sat down next to Dave and gave John a worried look. They all stayed in silence for a while.

"I-I'm sorry..." John almost whispered. Tears were forming again.

"John... You can't keep doing this..." Dave sighed. Nothing was said after that.

John was dressed in an old Ghostbusters shirt and pajama pants. Karkat and Dave then managed him to eat a somewhat-grilled cheese sandwich.

After their almost-meal the three sat at their breakfast table.

"John... do you need to go to a therapist again?" Karkat asked. 

John shook his head frantically with a panicked look. 

"Look, we only want what's best for you and we think tha--" Dave was cut off.

"N-no!" John cried out. Actually cried. He's crying again. "I just wanna go! I wanna go home!" John covered his face and sobbed.

"John...?" Karkat attempted to comfort him. He placed a grey hand on John's shoulder. John winced and slapped Karkat's hand.

John got up in attempt to abscond but he tripped. Dave was at his side in a second. John brought his knees to his chest as he sobbed indecipherable phrases. Dave wrapped himself around John in attempt to calm him down. He rubbed John's side. Karkat soon joined in.

"John, please," Karkat said gently. John was calming down. Not by much but he was calming down. He shook less and his breathing was closer to normal.

"John..?" Dave took off his shades. John lifted his head and looked straight up at Dave. A mix of misery and slight fear was apparent in his expression.

"I w-want to be with D-Dad again," John said, his voice shaking. "I-I --" John began crying again. He covered his mouth and leaned his head on Dave's chest.

"I'm sorry.." Karkat leaned closer to John who was now in shaking Dave's arms.

"I-I want t-to go home," John hiccuped. 

"John, this is your home," Karkat tried his best to sound reassuring. John shook his head and shut his eyes.

"John," Dave sighed. He stood up with the small boy in his arms. "C'mon, we're gonna cuddle."

Karkat followed the blonde to his bedroom. Each of the boys have their own room but Dave's ended up being the one they all sleep in. Totally just to make sure John's okay. There's obviously no other reason.

Dave laid John down on the large bed they had bought when they started sleeping all together. He took John's rectangular glasses off then got rid of his shades. Both pairs of glasses were set on the side table. Karkat rearranged the pillows and blankets to assure maximum comfort. Karkat laid on the left side of John, Dave on the right. John turned to hide his face in Dave's chest. Dave wrapped his arms around the waist of the ravenette; Karkat draped his arms around his torso. John continued crying softly until he fell asleep.

Dave sat up slowly as to not wake John. Karkat followed. They carefully got up and left the room, leaving the door ajar. 

Karkat and Dave sat down on the couch in silence before Karkat spoke.

"I know we both want to talk about this, and since I doubt you're gonna start I'll go. What are we gonna do about John?" Karkat crossed his arms. 

Dave sighed and looked at his hands, not caring about his lack of shades. "I don't know."

"He's getting worse, Dave. Ever since _that goddamn day_ , the longest he can go without breaking is a few days," Karkat stared getting louder. "We need to fucking do something! We can't let him continue doing this and we certainly can't let him fucking die!"

"You don't think I know that?!" Dave almost yelled, hopping to his feet.

"Well you aren't fucking doing shit about it!" Karkat also stood up.

"Excuse me, I've been the one taking care of him! You haven't been doing shit! 

They began yelling back and forth. Neither of them thought about John who was sleeping down the hallway. 

"Maybe I'm sick of all this bullshit I have to deal with every fucking second!" Dave noticed a figure standing in the hallway. He gasped.

"Wel-- Oh fuck," Karkat covered his mouth.

Silent tears fell from John's eyes. His glasses were smudged and his hair was a mess. He had Dave's shades in his cold, shaking hands.

"John! Fuck, oh man, shit," Dave ran a hand through his hair.

"N-no..." John's voice was barely audible.

No one knew what to say.

"Joh--" Karkat started.

"No!" John yelled. He didn't know what to do; he was scared and confused. John dropped the shades and ran to the bathroom. Dave and Karkat jumped and followed him swiftly. John looked through the drawers frantically. Karkat stood behind John, while Dave stayed in the door way.

"John, please listen to me," Karkat placed a hand on John's shoulder. John turned around. 

"N-no..." John wiped his tear-stained cheeks. "You d-don't have to pretend to care about me. I-I know y-you're both sick of me.. Jade left m-me with you two b-because she stopped caring. I'm too much! I stress ev-everyone out! I-I'm not worth it!"

"No, John, we love you. I love you," Karkat reassured him.

Something boiled inside of Dave.

"John, listen," Dave spoke up. "I love you a lot. So much. Jade couldn't handle to see you in so much pain. She can't think about you hurting yourself. But trust me, she loves you a lot."

"I'm so f-f-fucking stupid!" John said. "N-Not even my sister wants to be around m-me.."

"John, no, that's not at all how it is," Karkat gripped at his own hair.

"Stop lying!" John yelled. "Stop, stop... I don't want to hear any of it... I don't..."

"John, why are you doing this?" Dave asked, causing Karkat to smack him in the side. "What caused you to think aboit yourself this way?"

John froze. He started to rethink everything. 

What did cause this?

_He fell._


	2. Chapter 2

Karkat caught John as he collapsed. Despite being weak and John being a drew inches taller than him, Karkat was able to support John easily. This is when he realized how light John really is. John's breathing was calm despite what ha

A string of swears fell from Dave's lips.

Karkat sat on his knees and set John gently on his lap. He brushed the dark locks of hair away from his eyes. "What happened, John?" he whispered.

"We should probably put him in the bed, Karkat," Dave suggested. Karkat nodded his head and lifted John. Dave fixed the bed before Karkat laid him down. Karkat sighed and laid down next to John. He wrapped his arm around the sleeping boy. 

"I'm sorry," Dave said. He noticed he still didn't have his shades but didn't care anymore.

Karkat didn't say anything.

"I was quick to start yelling like an asshole," Dave ran his hand through his hair. "I'm scared. I'm scared for John, okay? I know he's getting really bad. All the progress I though he was making was completely lost after _that day_."

"What should we do, Dave?" Karkat rubbed John's side gently.

"Keep trying. We have to help him," Dave sat on the edge of the bed. "He's not gonna get any better if we don't try.

"And how will we do that?" Karkat questioned.

Dave thought for a while. "I'll be back." He got up and grabbed a red hoodie, his shades and a pair of socks. He put on the articles of clothing. "Text me when John wakes up." he said as he left. Dave stuffed his feet into red Converse and grabbed his keys before walking out the door.

Dave took in a breath of cold winter air and began walking. The place he was going wasn't too far. 

There was an apartment complex not too far from their house. It was a good length walk. When Dave arrive he found the right building and hopped up three flights of stairs. 

_Building B, room 12._

He knocked.

The door was answered by his snarky sister Rose Lalonde. 

"Hello David," she greeted the taller boy.

"Hey, can I come in?"

"Of course."

Rose got some hot chocolate as Dave sat on the couch. The apartment was warm and cozy. Colorful lights were hung around the room. There was a tall bookshelf full on vampire novels, actual quality movies, fashion magazines, and boardgames. The interests of the three girls living here were all included in the decorations.

"Jade, Kanaya, Dave's here," Rose called out to her girlfriends. Jade ran to the couch and caught Dave in a tight embrace. Kanaya calmly followed.

"What brings you here?" Jade asks as she settles down on the couch.

"I wanna talk," Dave looked down. "About John." The mood of the room fell. The bright decorations seemed inappropriate for the situation. "Ever since he tried to _you-know-what_ a while back, he's been slowly descending into his own personal hell. It isn't pretty. I mean, John's pretty but h-his y'know.." 

"I know what you mean," Rose sat down on a purple chair next to the couch. "What has John said?"

"Uh..." Dave thought for a second. "He says things about 'going home' sometimes. I try to tell him that this is home but he stops talking after that."

"Anything about his dad?" Rose crossed her legs and set her hands on her lap.

"Yeah, actually," Dave ran his hand through his hair for the millionth time, wow does he do anything else? Dave felt his phone buzz in his back pocket. "Hold on." He took his phone out. Five texts from Karkat.

crabby pants: JOHN'S AWAKE.  
crabby pants: FUCKASS.  
crabby pants: COME HOME.  
crappy pants: PLEASE?  
crabby pants: DAVE PLEASE?

Dave replied with a quick "k" and shoved his phone back in his pocket.

"I gotta go. I'll call you, Rose," Dave stood up. "See you whenever."

Rose, Jade, and Kanaya said goodbye and Rose closed the door behind Dave. Rose leaned on the door and rubbed her eyes. She let out a slight groan. 

**~~~**

Back in John, Dave and Karkat's house, John curled up in the red sheets of the bed. He held his knees close to him. Karkat rubbed his back.

Dave opened the door slowly. John shot up, sitting up straight. This sudden movement caused Karkat to jump. John reached his arms out for the blonde who came over to the bed to accept the hug. John clung onto Dave as if he was the only thing keeping him in touch with reality. 

"I'm sorry..." John whispered.

"Please don't be," Dave pleaded, holding onto John a little tighter.

"B-but I feel bad," John began to tear up a little.

Karkat crossed his arms. Dave caught a glimpse of the gesture. 


End file.
